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 TAGALOG JOKES. :D

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armoniajastin022



Posts : 569
Join date : 03/05/2009
Age : 22

PostSubject: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri May 15, 2009 12:22 pm

Joke # 1
Anak: Papa nagtumbling ako sa iskul!

Ama: i told you, huwag kang magtumbling at makikita panty mo!

Anak: Hindi naman nakita eh! Nilagay ko sa bag tay. Ü

Joke # 2
ANAK: busog nako.

MAMA: ano ka ba? ubusin mo yan! hndi mo ba alam? napakaraming nagugutom sa buong mundo?

ANAK: oh tapos? pag inubos ko to, mabubusog sila ganon?

Joke # 3
Human brain is the most outstanding thing...
It functions 24 hours and 365 days...
It functions right from the time we were born...
& it only stops when,.....

we take EXAMS. Ü

Joke # 4
Mike: pare, pautang naman P200!
Peter: pare, P100 lang ang dala ko.
Mike: Ah, sige, isandaan lang muna. Basta ha, may utang ka pa sa akin na P100.

Joke # 5
Bunso: Inay, tingnan niyo po drawing ko oh.

Inay: Wow! ang galing namang magdrawing ng dinosaur ng bunso ko.

Bunso: Inay naman eh....



Kayo po iyan...


Joke # 6
2 friends talking....

PEDRO: wow pare! Nood ako sine kanina, ubos 1000 ko!

JUAN: ha? bakit?

PEDRO: bili ako ng bili ng ticket, pinupunit nung babae sa pinto! adik ata!

Joke # 7
Juan: pangarap kong kumita ng half a million monthly gaya ni tatay.

Pedro: wow! ganyan kalaki kinikita ng tatay mo?

Juan: hindi, yan din ang pangarap niya...

Joke # 8
1 bata ang nag-pass ng blank paper sa art teacher niya..

T: bkit blanko ang pinass mo?

B: nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo.

T: (tiningnan ang papael) san ang damo?

B: naubos na po, kinain ng baka.

T: (kamot sa ulo) e nasan na yung baka?

B: ano pa gagawin ng baka diyan e wala ng damo? syempre umalis na ma'am! onting utak naman!

Joke # 9
Nakita ni Juan ang mga nagkukumpulan na tao, may naaksidente, dahil sa kagustuhang makita ni Juan ang namatay, gumawa siya ng eksena para tumabi ang mga tao...


"tumabi kayo, that's my brother!"


Nagsitabi ang mga tao hanggang sa makita ni Juan ang naaksidente...


..isang kawawa at duguang unggoy....

Joke # 10
JUAN: Bwiset na shampoo to! Ayaw bumula!

PEDRO: Paano bubula yan hindi naman basa buhok mo!

JUAN: Hello?! For dry hair nga daw to eh! Naman! Konting isip naman!

Joke # 11
..isang araw may nakasabay akong

kano sa elevator

pareho kaming sa ground floor ang punta.

pero bago mag ground floor.

sa 4th floor bumukas ung elevator,

1 pilipino ang nagtanong

"BABABA BA?"

sagot ko.

"BABABA"

sabi ng amerikano..

"are u aliens?"

---enjoooy Very Happy hahaha Very Happy get it get it Very Happy hahaha Very Happy

lol!

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justinegodlike



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PostSubject: tagalog jokes   Fri May 15, 2009 1:44 pm

I thought you remove this jokes because there tagalog
but why is it in here again Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri May 15, 2009 1:50 pm

she retyped it Neutral

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otakuhaven



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Join date : 09/05/2009
Location : Wind Country, Sand Village

PostSubject: joke   Fri May 15, 2009 3:58 pm

Joke #1

Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?

Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).

Joke #3

Pasyente: Dok, bakit Po ganito ang operasyon as ulo ko? Halos Kita na utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.

Joke #4
Beauty contest

Emcee: What’s the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Joke #5
Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...
Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!
Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?
Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya!
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sarahjaneraine



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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri May 15, 2009 10:22 pm

justinegodlike wrote:
I thought you remove this jokes because there tagalog
but why is it in here again Shocked

hehe according to rule no.1
as i quote "While in the Joketime, Chit-chat, and the Rathole section you are allowed to speak english, japanese and tagalog."

so... mabuhay ang tagalog hahah
lol!


nice jokes hahaha
ung iba kht luma nakakatawa parin hehehe

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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat May 16, 2009 1:47 am

sa loob ng isang kwarto sa mental hospital may tatlong pasyente... isang araw dumalaw ang doctor
pag pasok ng doctor nakita nia si pasyente 1 nagbabasa ng libro

doctor: aba! nagiimprove ka na a!
pasyente 1: i merely want to kill the time and so i ended up picking a random book
doctor: maganda yan, big words a

paglingon ng doctor nakita nia si pasyente 2 nagsusulat

doctor: aba! isa ka pa! nagiimprove ka na a! mabuti yan!
pasyente 2: nagsusulat lang po ako ng nobela. aktibo po kasi imahinasyon ko ngaun e.
doctor: good good. pagkatapos pabasa ako a..

pagkatapos magusap ng doctor at ni pasyente 2 nakita nia si pasyente 3 natayo sa lamesa at open arms pa!

doctor: hoy ikaw! bumaba ka dian! bakit di mo gayahin tong dalawa na to! walang pagbabago sa iyong kalagayan
pasyente 3: doc ako po ang ilaw!
doctor: anung ilaw ka dian! bumaba ka nga dian [hinatak ng doctor si pasyente 3 pababa ng lamesa]
pasyente 1 at pasyente 2: ay! langya yan bastusan! may nagpatay ng ilaw!

hahah corny stuff Very Happy

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(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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armoniajastin022



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Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat May 16, 2009 8:04 am

justinegodlike wrote:
I thought you remove this jokes because there tagalog
but why is it in here again Shocked

kasi po nung nabasa ko ulit ung rules pwd naman daw pong magtagalog sa section na to so aun nilagay ko ulit Very Happy

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armoniajastin022



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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat May 16, 2009 8:06 am

hehe according to rule no.1
as i quote "While in the Joketime, Chit-chat, and the Rathole section you are allowed to speak english, japanese and tagalog."

so... mabuhay ang tagalog hahah
lol!


nice jokes hahaha
ung iba kht luma nakakatawa parin hehehe[/quote]

tnx. kinopy paste ko lang po yan sa multuply Smile hahaha Smile

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supercreepz



Posts : 52
Join date : 15/05/2009
Age : 23
Location : north pole i think?

PostSubject: LOL   Fri May 22, 2009 11:23 am

XD e2 madaming jokes XD

Tindahan with signboard "Selling Mountain Dew - offer please"

Boy: Ale, magkano po yun Mountain Dew?

Ale: Magkano offer mo boy?

Boy: 10 pesos po?

Ale: Di kaya boy, kinse isa benta ko.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sa isang elevator na may Pilipino at Amerikano. Dadating si Pilipino 2 humahabol sa elevator:

Pinoy 2: Bababa ba?

Pinoy 1: Bababa

Kano: Did you guys just have a conversation?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.

Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!

Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Sa loob ng Mall)

GUY: LOVE, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.

Jowa: Ang pangit pangit naman!

GUY: Wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since…


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?

ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)

JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.

ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:

If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?

SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa

dugo’t pawis ng mga magsasaka?

MGA BATA: eeewwww!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

STUDENT: ma’am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na hindi ko naman

ginawa?

TEACHER: natural hindi.

STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sa kasalan

PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.

GROOM: eto P5, father.

Tinignan ng pari ang bride.

PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.

ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.

LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SA OSPITAL…..

WIFE: hon, nahirapan ako huminga.

HUSBAND: kung nahirapan ka ng huminga, itigil mo na.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kuya: bat ganyan itsura mo? ang dungis mo at amoy imburnal ka

utol:nakita mo b ung kanal sa tapat ng tindahan nila aling inday?

kuya: abay xempre a

utol: pues ako HINDI!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, a Genie appeared to a woman and said, “This is your lucky day! I will give you 3 wishes.”

“Yeheey!” the woman squealed.

“But on one condition,” said the Genie, “Whatever you ask for, your husband will receive 3 times more.”

The woman frowned, “What? But I hate my husband! He’s a despicable man!”

The Genie shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m the Love Genie. I repeat: What you ask for, your husband will receive 3 times more.”

The woman said, “Oh, okay. My first wish: Make me very rich. I want $1 Million.”

The Genie asked, “Are you sure? Your husband will have $3 Million.”

She says, “Oh, never mind. What is his is mine and what is mine is his.”

“Very well then!” the Genie said, and with a wave of his hand, and “Poof!” the woman had $1 Million—and her husband had $3 Million.

“My second request is that I want to be very beautiful.”

The Genie asked, “Are you sure? Your husband will look like Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby and John Lloyd put together. This is very dangerous. The girls will flock to him.”

The woman said, “Just as long as I’ll be beautiful.”

And with the wave of his hand, “Poof!”, and she became utterly beautiful and the husband three times more handsome.

The woman then said, “For the third wish, I would like to have a very mild heart attack.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?

Katulong: Sabi po in dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig

Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na…

Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang o… Pero bakit naman butligs pa…..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Josh: Kumusta ang assignment?

Ricardo: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.

Josh: Naku, ako rin! Paano ‘yan? Baka isipin nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.

Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?

Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.

Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru’n?

Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DE-LATA

Anak: 'tay, pahingi ng P20. bibili ako ng de-lata!

Tatay: anak, mga taga-probinsya lang ang tumatawag ng de-lata! Englishin mo!

Anak: Pa'no?

Tatay: 'KANG GUD" !

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Frog Prince???

FROG: what does my future hold?
fairy: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
fairy: no. in biology class


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THINGS THAT YOU DONT WANNA HERE WHEN YOUR IN OPERATION

-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear te, dear te, dear te!!!'

-sigaw ni Anabel Rama kay Lorin at Veniz (mga anak ni Rofa) habang naglalaro ng tubig sa kanal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ang Katapat ni Inday

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
inday: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
pulubi: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
nosebleed!!!.hehehe

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why God invented menopause:

Once upon a time, a 70 year old woman gave birth.
bisita: pwedeng makita ang baby mo?
MOM: mamaya na.
30 minutes after.
bisita: pwede na bang makita?
MOM: oo, pero hintay muna tayo na umiyak kasi nakalimutan ko kung saan ko linagay.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In a Class...

teacher: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
teacher: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
teacher: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
teacher: get out!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suportahan taka...

Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finding Denominator....

BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba'y di pa ba nila nakik*ta?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1St Time...

BOY: is this your first time?
GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh. You guys talaga. So kuleeet! Always asking me the same question. Paulit-ulit. Hmp!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

magsyota sa motel.

BF: alam mo love, ikaw ang first girl na dinala ko dito.
GF: sinungaling. Sabi nila lagi ka dito!
BF: oo, pero ikaw lang talaga ang girl!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ang Pulubi...

isang araw sa may tindahan.
pulubi: palimos po.
tindero: wala po, patawad.
pulubi: sige na po, kahit magkano.
tindero: sya sige! Eto, dos.
pulubi: salamat po ng marami. Isang Malboro nga po, yung menthol.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Na-late sa 500...

titser: bat ka na-late?
edward: nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki.
titser: tinulungan mo siyang maghanap?
edward: hindi po, tinapakan ko lang hanggang umalis siya.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a thirsty city girl went to a barrio

GIRL: where galling your water manong?
matanda: sa ilog ineng.
GIRL: ha? You drink that water manong?
matanda: duhhh! Why, sa syudad ba chine-chew?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

death of MR.BEAN's mother

Mr Bean: (crying) the doctor just called up, my mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(after 2 minutes, Mr. Bean cries even louder.)
Friend: what now, Mr. Bean?
Mr Bean: my sister just called. Her mom died too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ot Ot...

NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak " leon " baliktad ng Noel.
nino: sa akin onin baliktad ng nino.
TOTO: wag niyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan niyo!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Promise...

MR: hon promise simula ngayon, iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.
MRS: wow. Thank you love. Ako naman, I promise, ang susunod nating anak, ikaw na ang ama. Promise talaga.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moral Support!!!

sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin.
bantay: [sinita si Juan] ano yan?
JUAN: [galit pa!] manok!
bantay: alam ko, eh bakit inahin?
JUAN: may laban ang mister niya, siyempre moral support bobo!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May Kabit???

INA: anak, tawagan mo nga tatay mo sa celfon. Pauwiin mo dito.
[pagkatapos tawagan.]
ANAK: nay, babae po ang sumagot.
INA: lintik, sinasabi ko na nga ba, may tinatago yang tatay mo eh! Anong sabi?
ANAK: 'you only have zero pesos in your account...' hindi ko na tinapos nay mukhang matapobre.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

erap sa pizza hut...

waiter: sir, do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 slices or 8 slices?
ERAP: into four na lang, masyadong marami yung eight. di ko mauubos.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erap in Museum..

Si Erap nakabasag ng vase sa Museum, yung attendant nataranta.
attendant: naku sir, more than 500 years old na po yang vase.
ERAP: hay salamat. Akala ko bago!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sugarfree...

GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at
kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat
kasi na "Sugarfree."
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walang nagpalaki....

Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Think Positive....

Doc: Iho, bakit mu naman sinapak yung lalaki kanina?
Boy: E Doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako sa
resulta ng aids test tapos sasabihin pa niya...
think positive pare!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!

MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

ERAP : Tama na! Tuloy ang giyera.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya lumapit ito.

‘Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight,’ sabi ng stewardess.

Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.

‘Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?’ tanong nito.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL XD


Last edited by supercreepz on Sun May 24, 2009 5:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri May 22, 2009 11:57 am

eto meron ako

nanay: lintik yan! pano ka nabuntis ha!? kala ko ba project ung pinuntahan mo!?
anak:project nga po
nanay: ah project naman pala talaga e... e sino nakabuntis sayo!?
anak: di ko po alam e... group project kasi

----

anak: dad malalate ako ng uwi ah gagawa kami ng project
dad: anong project!? di pwede
anak: para to sa school dad!
dad: anak! lintek yan! magtigil ka nga! kinder ka pa lahn

_________________

behold! this is the power of cakes!

(\__/)
(o.O )
(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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Knix Fearowarms



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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:33 pm

1st:
anak: nay nay! pahingi pong sampung piso!

nanay: aba bakit anak? mag dodota ka nanaman, tigilan mo ko!

anak: hinde nay, papatuli ako!

nanay: ay ganun ba? O ito bente!

anak: nay bat bente?

nanay: sama mo tatay mo!

2nd:
Nakasakay sa Jeep si Juan at Pedro

Juan: pareng pedro, ito ung bayad ko pasabay nalang.

Pedro: cge paring Juan, akin na!

Inabot ni Juan ang pera sa mamang nasa unahan nila pero bigla itong kinuha ni Juan.

Juan: Anu ka ba Pedro! siyete lang ibayad mo!

Pedro: Bakit naman?

Juan: Duling yang drayber natin!! Hindi mo ba nakikita?

Pedro: Ganun ba? O sige sige.. I2 po bayad, dalawa!

inabot ni pedro sa mama ang siyete pesos.. at iniiabot nya ito sa driver..

Driver: Oy kulang pa kayo!

Juan: Bakit naman manong??

Driver: E apat kayo e!

3rd:
Isang araw, na trap sila Erap, Gloria at Ramos sa bundok..

Ramos: Uy, paparating na ang mga abusayaff, mag tago tau sa mga sakong to!

Isa isa silang nag tago sa mga sako.. At dumating nga ang mga abusayaff

Abu Sayaff 1: Aba, anu tong sako na to, baka may nag tatago.. sipain mo nga pre!

Sinipa ng isang abusayaff ang unang sako

Gloria: *meow*

Abu Sayaff 2: Pusa lang pala!

Abu Sayaff 1: O ito namang isa!

Sinipa ng isang abusayaff ang pangalawang sako

Ramos: *Arff!*

Abu Sayaff 2: Aso lang pala!

Abu Sayaff 1: O, itong huli sipain mo!

Sinipa ng abusayaff ang huling sako pero wala itong reaction

Abu Sayaff 1: Bat di man lang umaray? Ano kaya to?

Abu Sayaff 2: Alam ko na, may nagtatago dito!!

Erap: Tanga.. ano ako.. ah... kamote! Kamote ako!

4th
"Contest ng bobo"...

Juan: Pedro alam ko bobo ka!

Pedro: Tignan natin kung cnung bobo! Cge tanungin mo ko!

Juan: O sige nga? 6+5?

Pedro: Bobo ka pala e! Edi 10!

*Natawa si Juan*

Pedro: O bat ka natatawa?

Juan: Kala ko kasi di mo alam e..

5th
*Ito joke na, mind twister pa!*

May isang magaling mag joke na sa sobrang galing nya mag joke, lahat ng sinasabihan nya ng joke ay namamatay... tinipon lahat ng tao na di natatawa sa joke upang bigyan sila ng joke ng taong magaling sa joke....

Namatay lahat pwera sa isa na kinabukasan pa namatay...

Ang tanong = Bakit kaya kinabukasan pa sya namatay? Please wrap your answer in a spoiler tag, thanks!

(From Sr. EJ Mendoza, my teacher in logic ^^) It took me 2 hours to answer it >_<

pag nasagot nyo, sasabihin nyo "oo nga noh?" heehhehe

-----------------------------------------------
Pacquiao Jokes

"Quotes? you want quotes? I have quotes! you know, quotes fridi ruts?"

"Nay its one in one!"

-Pacquiao habang nakikipag talo sa nanay nya tungkol sa H1N1

\m/ rock on

_________________


"If you have time to fantasize your beautiful death, why dont you just live beautifuly till the end?"
-Sakata Gintoki

"I am a loser of life, the only thing I could be proud of is my soul."
-Sakata Gintoki
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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:13 pm

Spoiler:
 

_________________

behold! this is the power of cakes!

(\__/)
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(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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Knix Fearowarms



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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:43 pm

ore wa ecchi wrote:
Spoiler:
 

galing hehehe..

\m/ rock on

_________________


"If you have time to fantasize your beautiful death, why dont you just live beautifuly till the end?"
-Sakata Gintoki

"I am a loser of life, the only thing I could be proud of is my soul."
-Sakata Gintoki
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otakuhaven



Posts : 72
Join date : 09/05/2009
Location : Wind Country, Sand Village

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:53 pm

Famous Lines

"pinapaikot mo lang ako

Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang

patayin mo nalang ako"

-electric fan









"hindi lahat ng walang salawal

ay bastos"

-winnie d' pooh









"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad

kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.

pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"

-ipis









"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!

Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."

-hipon









"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang

maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong

karapatang magmahal?!?"

-gasolina









"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."

-plema









"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sau

ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao

ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."

-utot









"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong

pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."

-Bola







"you never know what you have

till you lose it.

and once you lose it, you can never get it back"

-snatcher









"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"

-majinboo







"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka

mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?

bakit palipat-lipat ka?

-TV









"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"

-kili kili









Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

-omelette









pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!

-libag







Anung kasalanan ko sayo, iniwan m nalang akong duguan...

-Napkin









"wag mo na akong bilugin.."

-kulangot






Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?

-Lego







Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya! Hindi na nga ako gumalaw dito.

Ako n nga yun ntapakan, sya pa un galit.. bakit ganun?

-T@3







Cge kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!

-deodorant
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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat Jun 20, 2009 7:16 am

Knix Fearowarms wrote:
ore wa ecchi wrote:
Spoiler:
 

galing hehehe..

\m/ rock on

wahaha tumama ba? lucky guess siguro di ko na inisip Razz para kasing naexperience ko na un e...

@otakuhaven

"ano bang problema nio ha!? bat palagi nio na lahn ako pinag-iinitan!"
-takure

_________________

behold! this is the power of cakes!

(\__/)
(o.O )
(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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otakuhaven



Posts : 72
Join date : 09/05/2009
Location : Wind Country, Sand Village

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:59 am

HEHEHE!!! GALING!!!

eto pa!

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un...TEN MILLER!!!

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!

sken k nga nkahawak ng mhigpit,

s knya k nman nkatitig."

-mouse ngseselos sa monitor!

A machine invented 2 catch thieves was being tested.

In UK, it caught 50 thieves in 30 mins,

In spain, it caught 110 thieves in 30 mins.

In Philippines, within 15 mins, the machine was stolen!

I'm ready to give the heat that your body wants
and i'll make sure that you could not sleep
once you've tasted ME..

nagfilirt na kape...hehehe
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knives333
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Location : LoCation...?? sorry but im lost... ^^

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:07 pm

ganda ng mga jokes mo knix...
pero sa mind twister mo.,..
bkit nasagot ko agd after ng tanong mo...??
nyahahahahah!!!
^^

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Posts : 434
Join date : 01/05/2009
Age : 23
Location : Punta Sta. Ana Mla.

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:30 am

otakuhaven wrote:
HEHEHE!!! GALING!!!

eto pa!

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un...TEN MILLER!!!

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!

sken k nga nkahawak ng mhigpit,

s knya k nman nkatitig."

-mouse ngseselos sa monitor!

A machine invented 2 catch thieves was being tested.

In UK, it caught 50 thieves in 30 mins,

In spain, it caught 110 thieves in 30 mins.

In Philippines, within 15 mins, the machine was stolen!

I'm ready to give the heat that your body wants
and i'll make sure that you could not sleep
once you've tasted ME..

nagfilirt na kape...hehehe

natawa ako dun sa gma one! hahah kahit marunong ako mag gay linggo di ko maintindihan.... tsaka ung utos thinggy haha

_________________

behold! this is the power of cakes!

(\__/)
(o.O )
(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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knives333
Admin


Posts : 502
Join date : 01/05/2009
Age : 25
Location : LoCation...?? sorry but im lost... ^^

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:58 pm

ehehehe...
hanep sa mga jokes ahh..
^^
e2 sakin...


Balitang Balita....

Captain Hook, pinirata!!!

Iceman, nanood ng porno, nag-init!!!

Tindero ng plastik, supot pa!!!

Lalaki, nagwala sa bilyaran, sinargo!!!

Negrang katulong, nasunog, nakilala!!!

Tindero ng karne, nasagasaan, naging gulay!!!

Lola, nirape, sumigaw ng "NEXT!!!!!!"

Bakla, ginahasa, tuwang-tuwa!!!

Lamok, empleyado na ng Red Cross!!!

Empleyado ng Red Cross, namatay sa high blood!!!

C.A.T officer, hinabol ng aso!!!

Tahanang walang hagdan, inakyat!!!

Bahay ng magsasaka, tinaniman ng bomba!!!

Tindero ng suka, pinagpawisan, ang asim!!!

Tindero ng suka, tinoyo!!!

Asawa ng photographer, nakunan!!!

Tubero, nagkatulo!!!

Bulag, nakapatay, nandilim daw ang paningin!!!

Tindera ng kama, nagkasakit sa matres!!!

Tindero ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!

Titser na namalo ng estudyante, tinuruan ng leksyon!!!

Tindero ng mais, nag-joke, ang corny!!!

Barbero, nagreklamo, di pinaniwalaan!!!

Basurero, dinukot sa basurahan!!!

Tinumbang preso, tinayo ulit!!!

Kaso ng basurero, binasura!!!

Palaisdaan, nasunog!!!

Negro, nakakita ng multo, namuti sa takot!!!

Manananggal, chinap-chop!!!

Tindero ng bagoong, nagwala, kinuyog!!!

Baklang holdaper, nangholdap ng sperm bank!!!

Taong grasa, nangholdap, sinabon ng mga pulis!!!

Singer na kidnapper, pinakanta ng pulis!!!


DALAWANG BULAG... NAGTITIGAN!!!

DALAWANG PIPI... NAGSIGAWAN!!!

DALAWANG MAMANG PUTOL ANG KAMAY... NAGSUNTUKAN!!!

DALAWANG LUMPO... NAGHABULAN!!!

DALAWA NA NAMANG LUMPO... NAGSIPAAN!!!

DALAWANG BINGI... NAG PARINIGAN!!!

DALAWANG KALBO NA BADUSH... NAGSABUNUTAN!!! SAAN??? SA KILAY!!!

MAMA... NALIGO... NABASA!!!

BUNTIS... SINAKSAK.... BATA.... NAKAILAG!!!!

DALAWANG BANGKAY, HINDI PAHUHULI NG BUHAY!!!

TAMBAY SA PACO... PINUKPOK SA ULO... BUMAON SA LUPA!!!

DALAWANG BANGKAY ANG NATAGPUANG HUMIHINGA PA!!!

POKPOK SA ERMITA, NADAPA... WALA LANG!

ISANG MATANDA, NAIPIT SA UPUAN... NAMATAY SA GUTOM!!!

ELEKSYON 2004... JOKE LANG!!!

ISANG NERD... NANAKAWAN NG LAPTOP... HINABOL NG ASO... INUUTO LANG KITA!!!

KUMAIN KA NA BA? KUNG HINDI PA, ALALAHANIN MO ANG ISANG APPITIZER NA ITO!

DAGA... NASAGASAAN... LABAS BITUKA.... KINAIN NG PULUBI!

AT ETO PANG ISA!

DALAWANG TANGANG MAY SIPON, NANONOOD NG SINE, DUMUDURA NG PLEMA SA BASO NG SOFTDRINKS NILA, NAPUNO NA, ININOM NILA ULIT!

DALAWANG TANGA, NAKAKITA NG TAE SA KALSADA, NAG-AWAY KUNG TAE BA O TSOKOLATE, TINIKMAN, NUNG NALAMANG TAE, SINABI: "BUTI HINDI NATIN NAAPAKAN!"
^^

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otakuhaven



Posts : 72
Join date : 09/05/2009
Location : Wind Country, Sand Village

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Tue Jun 23, 2009 10:06 am

WAHAHAHAHAH!!!! GRABE pag pumupunta ako dito sa forum ng jokes, nalilimutan ko mga problema ako.. hehehe
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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Thu Jun 25, 2009 8:42 am

NAKAKAIYAK NA LOVE STORY.......

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love
with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about
their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about
it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a
happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers
but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a
local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow
you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other
truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home. The couple went
to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt
that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some
drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that she recovered
from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because
he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old
lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy
from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored
the dream. The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored
it.

Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in
fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash
the clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.. Next night she
again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still
remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old
lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something
terrible will happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes
nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was
alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she
saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a white object, which shocked
the girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

Spoiler:
 

_________________

behold! this is the power of cakes!

(\__/)
(o.O )
(> < ) this i my temporary siggy called bunny. help him in his mission of world siggy domination!
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armoniajastin022



Posts : 569
Join date : 03/05/2009
Age : 22

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 9:38 am

grbe naman yan Smile XD hahahahaha Smile nakakaiyak nga naman Smile XD

_________________
“The shape and form doesn't matter it's the soul, right?"

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Knix Fearowarms



Posts : 141
Join date : 20/05/2009
Age : 24
Location : Alabang, Muntinlupa City

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 3:46 pm

Filipino names into English names:

Resituto Frutto - Tutti Frutti
Casimiro Bocacay = Cashmere Boquet
Rogelio Dagdag = Roger Moore
Veneracion De Asis = Venereal Disease
Alfonso De Asis = Alzheimer's Disease
Topacio Mamaril = Top Gun
Francisco Portero = Frank Porter
Juanito Lakarin = Johhny Walker
Victoria Malihim = Victoria's Secret
Esteban Pagtakahan = Stevie Wonder
Tiburcio Mangubat = Tiger Woods
Burgos Hari = Burger King
Ligaya Almundo = Joy to the World
Maria Natividad = Merry Christmas
Ligaya Anonuevo = Happy New Year
Federiko Hagibis = Fed Express
Diosdado Palasingsingan = Lord of the Rings

ano sa hapon ang?

Discount = Binenta Nakamura
Overpriced = Binenta Napamura
Body Builder = Batubato
Garfield = Tamadaku
Nursing = Usotto
Drunk = Toma eru
Cha Cha = Sawanaku!
AH1N1 = Takutako!
Pogi = Kamu kako
Panget = Kamu kamo
Is this your ride hot mama? = otto moto ne?
This is yours = Sayonato
Snatcher = Akinato!
Brad Pete = Akubato?
Tom Cruise = Akunanaman!
Whazzup? = Anuna?
500 pesos, overnyt = ano ne?
Takbo!! = Sayonachi... Sayonachinelas ko!!
addict = sabu gaku!
addict talaga = shabu shabu!
GMA = pandakaku!
Witness = Itoito!
Suspect = wagaku!!

Interview kay piolo:
Interviewer: Piolo, kunyari na trap ka sa isang island.. anung tatlong bagay na kailangan mo to survive??

Piolo: Ah simple lang... I just need...

Some food..

Some clothes...

and some
Spoiler:
 

\m/ rock on

_________________


"If you have time to fantasize your beautiful death, why dont you just live beautifuly till the end?"
-Sakata Gintoki

"I am a loser of life, the only thing I could be proud of is my soul."
-Sakata Gintoki
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knives333
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Posts : 502
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Age : 25
Location : LoCation...?? sorry but im lost... ^^

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 1:39 am

@knix
ahahaha!!!
hanep ah!!
^^

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sarahjaneraine



Posts : 760
Join date : 14/05/2009
Age : 29
Location : laguna, philippines

PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:29 am

and Sam answered...

I just need...


Few food..

Few clothes...

and Few...



Fewlo!!! Fewlo Pascual!!! heheheh

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PostSubject: Re: TAGALOG JOKES. :D   Today at 9:53 am

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